We quit DD.
Or Rather, He quit on me AGAIN.
He seems pretty serious this time.
We have talked but I don't feel like we are getting anywhere.
At least, nowhere I want to get.
It's really hard. I am really hurt by his decision and his reasoning.
I didn't plan on blogging about this,
and I'm not going to go into details of what happened to lead to his decision.
Even though I am hurt, I still believe in the REASONS that we began DD. And without DD, these reasons are still important.
It's very tempting to shut down right now. It's very tempting to revert into thinking things like
" He hurt me so I am going to hurt him"
or
" My submission is a gift, and if hes not willing to put in the work, neither am I"
It's tempting to revert back to old ways. To do the things we used DD to end.
But where would that get us?
We were close to divorce when I discovered DD and changed my thinking. I was desperate to prevent it then, and I am desperate to prevent it now.
All over the world, wives try submitting to their husbands without DD. Because it's what they believe. Because they realize the benefits of it. Because it really does make a difference.
And that's what I need to do right now.
So I borrowed a bunch of books from friends and am studying how to do this in a non DD lifestyle, what it really means, and how it really helps.
And I thought I would take you my dear friends along for the journey.
I'm starting with Love and Respect and The Love Dare.
If anyone is interested in coming along...... :D
I'm glad you're taking us along with you here. I haven't read Love Dare, but Love & Respect was very eye-opening for me. Before I went to Jared with dd, I practiced some of the things I had learned in that book. He saw the changes immediately and let me know how much he appreciated it!
ReplyDeleteHang in there, my friend. :)
Good luck on your journey. Think of it as submitting to his decision to not practice DD.
ReplyDeleteBless your heart... I have had to submit without the Dd for quite a while after S surgery.
ReplyDeleteAlso.... what sunnygirl said!
I'm real sorry about how hard this has obviously been for both of you. I do love the approach you have chosen. It really honors the spirit of what you want for your marriage. Do keep talking to us and telling us what you are learning...I bet we will learn much by following along and hope we can be an encouragement.
ReplyDeleteYou probably know I'm a huge fan of Love and Respect. It's largely our dd backstory...
ReplyDeleteWe did the audio series, twice, then the six week video series, and then we did it again only we helped lead it. I also read the book twice as well.
The Love Dare is amazing too. I think you are starting with two FAB choices.
Proud of you- you inspire me :)
Stormy
First mate, we are doing dd basically without the punishment. It can and does work if you are of the right mind set ..... Which you appear to be. My husband had to have back surgery a while back. He has been unable to do spankings for a long time. Then after his surgery (he has a titanium rod attached to his spine) he was told to be very careful. So we moved to other forms of punishment . I at this point am seldom in trouble, but my husband Basically does the lecture or talk part and then we hug, say I love you and move on. It's missing the middle step of punishment, but it still clears the air, I feel remorseful, we make up, all is forgiven. Same concept..... Just practiced differently these days.
ReplyDeleteGood luck to you both.